How Men are....

I think that Men are over all jerks. We were raised to be that way, most of us through domestication from our Fathers. My Father came from the school of "spare the rod, spoil the child". It wasn't like he beat it into us physically, but mentally it was always present, especially when it came to actions of joy, fun, love, and just being a child if it had nothing to do with him that we were, as siblings, experiencing any of these things. As a narcissist, everything revolves or is perceived to revolve around that person, and there is no way in hell anybody can experience anything positive in their own life like being a free spirit without the narcissist having their hand in it or they get upset, get jealous, and inject their poison in that joy til it is dead.

I don't know that all fathers are that way, of coarse our eternal father isn't like that, but as calmed down as my father has become in his older years, I have had to deal with some definite issues the last few years which have come to a head.

I'd like to think now that I am a loving man. I think that men are by nature, dual in personality. Personality A: (when a man is with the boys) Ya man, forget that chick she's a total ho, you should find somebody that looks just like her and bang the trash outta her and just forget about it man...
B: (when a man is with the girl<s>) Ya i did her, but I am in love with you baby....I can't believe that guy would ever cheat on you, I'd never do that if you were mine....of coarse you don't look fat in that outfit, you are gorgeous even when you wake up with no make up on.

Now, there is another personality which emerges once the fear of rejection is gone, the pain of that past breakup is out of your head because you decided that love doesn't exist anymore so you are not forcing the issue, you've stopped trying to find it and you just become friends with a cool girl you've met and have gone to farmers market, gone to the library with or Barnes & Noble and read books about astrology and laughed about how true that date you were born on matches your own personality. You don't believe love is real anymore, so being friends with a girl is no big thing, it's not like you are going to fall into something that doesn't exist right?.....here's a story I read recently that really gave me an a-ha moment and I would love to share it with you, my only fan on this blog.....

THE MAN WHO DIDN'T BELIEVE IN LOVE
(From The Mastery Of Love ~ Don Miguel Ruiz)

"This is the story of an ordinary man just like you and me, but what made this man special was his way of thinking: He though love doesn't exist. Of course he had a lot of experience trying to find love, and he observed the people around him searching for love only to discover that love did not exist.

Wherever this man went, he used to tell people that love is nothing but an invention of the poets, an invention of religions just to manipulate the weak mind of humans, to control human, to make them believe. He said that love is not real, and that's why no human could ever find love even though he or she might look for it.

This man was highly intelligent, and he was very convincing. He read a lot of books, he went to the best universities, and he became a respected scholar.What he taught was that love is like a drug; it makes you very high, but it creates a strong need. You can become highly addicted to love, but what happens when you don't receive your daily dose of love? Just like a drug you need your everyday doses.

He used to say that relationships between two humans were like a relationship between drug addict and the one who provides the drugs. The one who has thew biggest need is like the drug addict; the one who has a little need is like the dealer. The one who has the little need is the one who controls the entire relationship. You can see the dynamic so clearly because usually in every relationship there is one who loves the most and the other who does not, who only takes advantage of the one who gives his or her heart. You can see the way they manipulate each other, their acti8ons and reactions, and they are all just like the dealer and the drug addict.

The drug addict, the one who has the biggest need, lives in constant fear of that perhaps he will not be able to get the next dosage of love, or the drug. The drug addict thinks' "What am I going to do if she leaves me?" That fear makes the drug addict very possessive. "That's mine!" The addict becomes jealous and demanding, because the fear of not having the next dosage. The dealer can control one who needs the drug by giving more doses, fewer doses, or no doses at all. The one who has the biggest need completely surrenders and will do whatever he has to not to be abandoned.

What you find instead is a war of control to see who will manipulate whom. Who will be the dealer, and who will have the addiction? You find that a few months later the respect that they swear to have for one another is gone. You can see resentment, the emotional poison, how they hurt each other, little by little, and it grows and grows, until they don't know when the love stops. They stay together because they are afraid to be alone, afraid of the opinion and judgement of others, and also afraid of their own judgements and opinions, but where is the love?

He used to claim seeing old couple who have lived together for thirty, forty, or fifty years and they were so proud to have lived together all of those years. But when they talked about their relationship, what they said was' "We survived the matrimony." That means one of them surrendered to the other; at a certain time, she gave up and decided to endure the suffering. The one with the strongest will and less need won the war, but where is the flame they call love? They treat each other like possessions: She is mine." "He is mine."

The man went on and on about all the reasons why he believed that love does not exist, and he told others, "I have done all of that already. I will no longer allow anyone to manipulate my mind and control my life in the name of love." His arguments were quite logical, and he convinced many people by all of his words, love doesn't exist.

The one day the man was walking in a park, and there on the bench was a beautiful lady who was crying. When he saw her crying he felt curiosity. Sitting beside her, he asked her if he could help her. He asked why she was crying? You can imagine his surprise when she told him that she was crying because love doesn't exist. He said, "This is amazing --- a woman who believes that love doesn't exist!" Of course he wanted to know about her.

"Why do you say love doesn't exist?" he asked.

"Well it's a long story," she replied. "I married when I was very young, with all of the love, all these illusions, full of hope that I would share my life with this man. We swore to each other our loyalty, respect, and Honor, and we created a family. But soon everything changed. I was the devoted wife who took care of everything. My husband continued to develop his career, and his success and image outside of home and was more important to him than our family. He lost respect for me, and I lost respect for him. We hurt each other, and at a certain point I discovered that I didn't love him and he didn't love me either.

"But the children needed a father, and that was my excuse to stay and to do whatever I could to support him. Now the children are grown and they have left. I no longer have any excuse to stay with him. There's no respect, there's no kindness. I know that even if I find someone else, it's going to be the same, because love doesn't exist. There is no sense to look around for something that doesn't exist. That is why I am crying."

Understanding her very well, he embraced her and said, "You are right; love doesn't exist. We look for love, we open our heart and we become vulnerable, just to find selfishness. That hurts us even if we don't think we will be hurt. It doesn't matter how many relationships we have; the same thing happens again and again. Why even search for love any longer?"

The are so much alike and they become the best friends ever. It was a wonderful relationship.They respected each other and they never put each other down. With every step they took together they were more happy. There was no envy or jealousy, there was no control, there was no possessiveness. They loved to be together because when they were together they had a lot of fun. When they were not together they missed each other.

One day the man was out of town, he had the weirdest idea. He was thinking, "Hmm, maybe what I feel for her is love. But this is no different from what I've felt before. It's not what the poets say it is, it's not what religion says, because I am not responsible for her. I don't take anything from her; I don't have the need for her to take care of me; I don't need to blame her for my difficulties or take my dramas to her. We have the best times together and we enjoy each other. I respect the way she thinks, the way she feels. She doesn't embarrass me; she doesn't bother me at all. I don't feel jealous when she's with other people; I don't feel envy when she is successful. Perhaps love does exist, but it's not what everyone thinks love is."

He could hardly wait to get back home and talk to her, and let her know about his weird idea. As soon as he started talking, she said, "I know exactly what you are saying. I had the same idea long ago, but I didn't want to share it with you because I know you didn't believe in love. Perhaps love does exist, but it isn't what we thought it was." They decided to become lovers and live together and it was amazing that things didn't change. They still respected each other, they were still supportive of each other, and the love grew more and more. Even the simplest things made their hearts sing with love because they were so happy.

The mans heart was so full with the love he felt that one night a great miracle happened. He was looking at the stars and he found the most beautiful one, and his love was so big that the star started coming down from the sky and soon the star was in his hands. Then a second miracle happened, and his soul merged with that star. He was intensely happy, and he could hardly wait to go to the woman and put the star into her hands to provide his love to her. As soon as he put the star in her hands, she felt a moment of doubt. This love was overwhelming, and in that moment, the star fell from her hands and broke in a million little pieces.

Now there is an old man wandering around the world swearing once again that love does not exist, and there is a beautiful old woman at home waiting for a man, shedding a tear for a paradise that once she had in her hands, but for one moment of doubt, she let it go. This is the story about a man who did not believe in love."

Don Miguel Ruiz goes on to say this: "Who made the mistake? Do you want to guess what went wrong? The mistake was on the mans part thinking that he could give the woman his happiness. The star was his happiness, and his mistake was that he put his happiness into her hands. Happiness from outside of us. He was happy because of the love coming out of him; she was happy because of the love coming out of her. But, as soon as he made her responsible for his happiness, she broke the star into a million pieces because she could not, and should not, be responsible for his happiness.

If you take your happiness and put it in someones hands, sooner or later, that person is going to break it. If you give your happiness to somebody else, that somebody else can always take it away. So, if happiness can only come from inside of you and is the result of your love, you are responsible for your own happiness.

That is the mistake most of us make right from the beginning. We base our happiness on our partner, and it doesn't work that way does it? We make all of those promises that we cannot keep, and we set ourselves up to fail."

To read more about this, check out The Mastery Of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz....he friggen blew my "tiny little mind" so why not all of you other brilliant people? Just sayin.